i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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