it's like iHOP with fire
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
