R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
