I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
