but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
