I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
