i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
