Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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