I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
