his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize