i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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