Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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