I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
