Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
we should paint friendship bongs
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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