if we break up, who will get the dealer?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
