Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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