Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
did i just pee glitter
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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