I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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