Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
