I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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