my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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