I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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