That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
