Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
