shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
