You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize