walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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