On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
honey bunches of taint.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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