So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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