What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
