wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
