Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
