I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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