You're earring is so big in my mouth
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
