At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We have started to decorate penises.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
