Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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