my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
