haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
