Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
my poor anus
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sorry about my life...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
