Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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