I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
