Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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