I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Come see our sink grown plant.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How does it feel to date your dad?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
