If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize