he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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