I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize