I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
not ubering you a puppy
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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