Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
