upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
