I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
this is an emotional support booty call
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
