i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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