I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
