fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
