The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize