i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
