Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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