dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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