So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
