I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
