I just cut my nipple shaving
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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