Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
