Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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