last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
