Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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