At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
