what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
