Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
