Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
