i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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