38 yer olds are good kisserssss
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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