So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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