Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Randomize
