Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
